


Love Myself the way I Love You

by Indigold97



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Romace, Romantic Fluff, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 07:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10458237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indigold97/pseuds/Indigold97
Summary: “Yuuri…” Viktor caressed his cheek as if afraid of breaking him, “You have no idea how beautiful you are.” Viktor’s eyes traveled all over his face."But I will gladly remind you until you start to believe it.”





	

“I’m sorry. I can’t-I… I don’t know.” 

Yuuri pulled away, looking down at the floor. He wanted to take the next step with Viktor, but every time they got past the making out part, he always backed out at the last minute. 

“Hey. Hey… It’s ok,” Viktor pulled his chin up, “When you’re ready, you’ll know.” He swept the fallen hair out of Yuuri’s eyes. 

The gesture calmed Yuuri’s breath. But the neighbor’s loud music from upstairs and the violent gunshots that rippled from the television were no match for Yuuri’s unrelenting thoughts.

_This man is perfect and I can’t even take my shirt off without blushing like a teenager._

____

“Whatever you’re thinking Yuuri, forget it.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened. _Add “mind reader” to the list of reasons why Viktor Nikiforov is out of this world._

____

“You bite your lip whenever you’re worried about something,” Viktor’s thumb brushed against his bottom lip, “It’s very tempting, but I’d much rather see you smile.”

Yuuri didn’t get a chance to respond before two hands sneaked their way around his waist tickling him. He threw his head back, gasping for air, “Wait! No Viktor- Please. I ca-can’t… breathe!”

Makkachin barked, enthused by the sudden energy spike in the room. 

By now Viktor’s got him pinned on the couch, his legs caging Yuuri in. Silver strands decorated his flushed face. Both panting as if they just finished perfecting a skating routine. How is he still so beautiful? Viktor’s messy hair looked like a work of art. Yuuri’s probably looked like bed head or worse… sex hair. Yuuri blushed at the thought.

“I’ll let you go…” Viktor trailed off, “if you admit that you’re the sexiest man alive.”

Yuuri laughed in between breaths, “Never!”

Viktor shrugged, “I guess I’ll just have to tickle you some more then,” already moving one of his hands down Yuuri’s side.

“Ok. Ok.. fine,” Yuuri said to buy himself some time before he gathered his remaining strength to flip them over. He smirked in triumph while Viktor’s breath hitched at the switch of position. The invigorating power rush sent a thrill down Yuuri’s spine. Their chests were so close he could feel Viktor’s rapid heartbeat stutter every few seconds. Anticipation overpowered everything. A natural tension permeated the room, threatening to erupt ever since he laid eyes on Viktor in Hasetsu.

“I am the _sexiest man _alive.”__

____

* * *

Yuuri was in the locker room taking off his skates. It was the first time he was eating lunch without Viktor since he came to train in St. Petersburg and though the team was very welcoming, he still felt like an outsider. They were basically family and Yuuri felt like the awkward house guest who just wouldn’t leave. 

“C’mon piggy. I promised Viktor I’d look after you during lunch.”

Yuuri laughed. He couldn’t ever imagine someone eight years his junior looking after him. But he still appreciated the gesture.

He looked up at Yurio who’d grown quite a bit since the Grand Prix.

“Thanks.”

Yurio rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah. Just don’t ask me to hold your hand to the food court or something.”

The food court was a daunting place for Yuuri, reminding him of the not so pleasant experiences in high school. He felt people’s eyes on him since he was still the new guy around here. He prayed that he wouldn’t drop his tray, not wanting to give people an excuse to stare more than they were. He was glad more than ever that he had Yurio by his side at least until he got used to the new environment. They noticed Mila waving them over.

“Hey! Long time no see huh?” Mila joked. Yuuri laughed; not knowing how to respond. He’d never been good with small talk.

“Not long enough…” Yurio muttered before Mila jabbed him in the side. They horsed around good naturedly for a few minutes making Yuuri feel awkward. He chanced a quick glance at Georgi, but he didn’t know the other skater well enough to start a conversation. Thankfully, Mila and Yurio ended their “fighting” and they all ate their food in peaceful conversation.

Once the conversation dulled down, Mila smirked at Yuuri.

“So,” she paused for effect, “What’s up with you and Viktor?”

Yuuri choked at her straightforwardness. 

“Uhm.. ah.. Well we’re…good?” Yuuri stumbled to find the right words, he looked down at his food to avoid eye contact. If Viktor was here he probably would have wrapped an arm around Yuuri, already equipped with a witty response. But Yuuri wasn’t Viktor. He didn’t have the charm to come up with one-liners on the spot. 

Mila raised her eyebrow at the uncertainty. 

_Ok fine you got me. I’m afraid that Viktor might leave me for some gorgeous guy that he truly deserved in the first place._

____

“Bleh. Girls and their gay fetish. I don’t wanna hear about that shit when I’m eating,” Yurio grumbled.

“Then why don’t we talk about you and Otabek?” Mila countered.

That shut Yurio right up.

Mila turned back to Yuuri, “You’re literally so lucky-like I want someone like Viktor to sweep me off my feet. All the people I’ve dated either wanted sex or nothing. Ugh. People are such jerks these days…”

This caught Yuuri’s attention. Was that really all people wanted? Was that all that Viktor wanted? Maybe the only way to keep Viktor was to give him an incentive to stay. 

“Well, not everyone can find true love like me, Yuuri, and Yurio. Some people wind up as cat ladies. It’s time to just accept that, Mila” Georgi patted her shoulder while Mila glared at him.

Yurio screamed, “I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH OTABEK FUCKING ALTIN! AND IF ANYONE CALLS ME YURIO ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I-”

Yuuri didn’t hear the rest of that sentence as Mila pulled him over to the side to whisper,“I’m just really happy you and Viktor found each other.”

Instead of relieving him, it just confirmed that his and Viktor’s relationship was hanging on by a thread.

* * *

Later that night they found themselves settled on the couch, watching a movie, while Makkachin napped at the foot of the couch. It’d become a routine for them. Maybe someday they’d have a family movie night. Yuuri blushed at the thought of starting a family with Viktor. _Woah slow down. We haven’t even been together for a year._

____

But Yuuri couldn’t help imagining his future. His mind was always thinking about tomorrow. It was impossible for him to have a good night’s rest the night before a competition. Nightmares of not sticking the triple axel and the audience booing him off stage made it seem like all that time and effort he spent was leading up to one moment. The moment he was deemed a success or failure. 

This was the moment for his relationship with Viktor.

He started off by laying his head on Viktor’s shoulder, snuggling into his side more than he already was. Viktor smiled at him before returning his attention to the movie. Yuuri internally pouted. _Does Viktor think Leonardo DiCaprio is more important than me?_

____

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves before turning Viktor’s face back to him. He pressed a soft kiss to Viktor’s lips. When Yuuri realized Viktor wasn’t going to control where this would go, he deepened the kiss. This got Viktor interested as he wrapped his arms around Yuuri, bringing him closer. But it wasn’t enough.

Yuuri straddled his lap, getting more aggressive with kiss. Viktor’s breath hitched at Yuuri’s dominance. Pressing short kisses down his jaw, Yuuri sucked the spot on Viktor’s neck that made him go crazy.

“I.. ahh.. Yuuri, what’s gotten into you?” Viktor moaned.

Yuuri hummed in response. Satisfied with his work, he pulled off his shirt like ripping a band-aid. He didn’t want to think about what Viktor thought of his glaring stretch marks. A daily reminder of the unfit body he once sported after his devastating loss. Yuuri shifted uncomfortably at Viktor sweeping over his body until blue eyes landed on his.

“Yuuri? Are you sure? We don’t have to-”

Yuuri cut him off with a kiss before whispering in his ear, “I’m ready. Come on.”

Viktor’s hands grazed his back before landing on his waist. Yuuri tried to ignore Viktor’s hands on the place he felt most insecure. 

“Why don’t we at least go into the bedroom? I was planning-”

Once again Yuuri cut him off, “Viktor, please…” He wiggled his hips. _Let’s get this over with. _Viktor’s pupils dilated at the friction.__

____

Yuuri couldn’t help the audible gasp as Viktor took off his shirt. Sure, he’s seen the man naked plenty of times in the onsen. He really had no shame. But this was different. It was leading up to something more.

____

Before Yuuri’s brain caught up with his hands, he wandered over Viktor’s body. He touched everything he could before pressing a kiss to his shoulder. His kisses trailed downwards, stopping a bit to suck on his nipple, relishing in Viktor’s soft moans, before reaching his destination. 

____

Yuuri’s hands shook trying to unbutton Viktor’s pants.

____

“Yuuri.. wait no-” Viktor grabbed his hands.

____

“No we have to do this. Come on-” He reached for his pants again.

____

“Yuuri stop!” Viktor pushed his hands away.

____

Yuuri stopped to see hurt flash in Viktor’s eyes. _Oh god I messed up. Why can’t I do anything right?_

______ _ _

“Don’t you want me?” Yuuri whispered.

______ _ _

Viktor sighed, fingers combing through his hair.

______ _ _

“I do, but not like this.”

______ _ _

That one line was enough to bring Yuuri back to himself. His soul re-entered his body to see what a mess his brain made. His senses heightened, noticing the movie was almost finished. Yuuri never thought he could relate to someone sinking to the bottom of the ocean, but that was exactly how he felt. All the pressure of being the best for his family, for his town, and for Viktor pressed against him and he couldn’t take it anymore.

______ _ _

_Oh god I was planning on having my first time… on a couch. _Yuuri gasped as another thought hit him.__

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_We didn’t even have protection._

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____

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He probably would have been willing to do it without it. And that thought scared Yuuri more than anything.

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“I.. uhh. I-I’m sorry. I just… I can’t.” Yuuri jumped off Viktor’s lap running to the bathroom.

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He heard a faint “Yuuri wait!” over the ringing in his ears before he slammed the door shut.

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* * *

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_How could I have been so stupid? _He pulled his knees closer to his chest wanting the floor to suck him up and portal him back in time. Back 12 years ago when Yuuri first saw Viktor through the beat up television in the Ice Castle’s storage room. Back eight months ago when Viktor finally laid eyes on Yuuri, more confident in all his naked glory than Yuuri could ever feel fully clothed. Back five minutes ago when he didn’t just screw up their entire relationship. Hopelessness coiled inside his stomach. For once he’d rather take the shallow worries plaguing his everyday life than the deep abyss.__

______ _ _

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Lately, he’d been relying so much on Viktor: guiding him around the foreign city, translating the language, coaching him. It’s like he glued himself to Viktor’s hip; it was unhealthy for both of them. This past year had been a whirlwind and the joy of Viktor traveling all the way to Hasetsu because of a YouTube video was enough for Yuuri to lose himself. For the first time, he felt wanted. And by the person he’d been pining over for years. 

______ _ _

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_How am I supposed to face him now? He probably thinks I’m a train wreck._

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Viktor had stopped knocking when he told him he needed to be left alone. Yuuri stayed in there, planning on coming out when he knew Viktor was asleep.

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A quiet knock startled his thoughts.

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“Yuuri, please. I-I just… Come to bed.”

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The desperation in Viktor’s voice travelled through the door. He was just as scared as Yuuri. Plus, Viktor never stuttered over his words. He always knew how to smooth talk. It was just part of his charm. 

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Yuuri stood up, debating whether he should let Viktor in. 

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_If he runs away then he doesn’t truly love me for who I am._

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What he saw shook him to the core. Never in his life had he seen this expression on Viktor’s face. Not in any of the numerous posters, photographs, and videos he’s collected over the years. Not even when he said they should end their relationship that night in Barcelona. It held something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was evident Viktor had been crying by the tear streaks on his cheeks.

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_I did this…?_

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“Yuuri!” Viktor choked, wrapping his arms around Yuuri in a bone crushing hug. “I’m really, really sorry. I know I made it sound like I didn’t want you, but I want you more than anything. I just-I wanted it to be special. I actually had everything planned out for when we took that step. Starting off with dinner then a movie and-”

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“Viktor.”

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Viktor stopped rambling waiting for Yuuri to speak. Yuuri never held such power over someone before. He always thought Viktor held the power in all aspects of their relationship. As his coach and as his lover. He never stopped to think that he could hurt Viktor as easily as Viktor could hurt him. But it was written all over his face. The fear of losing Yuuri was very much evident in everything Viktor did and said. If he decided to walk away, it would hurt him just as much as Yuuri. 

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“Can we sit down?” They sat down on the couch where everything went wrong. Yuuri took Viktor’s hands in his own, trying to figure out how to word what he was going to say. It made a lot more sense in his head.

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“I need space.”

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Viktor’s hands tightened around his, the only signal that what Yuuri said hurt him. His face a stonewall, the complete opposite from when Yuuri opened the door. 

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“I mean not like space-space. I just mean… space.”

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Viktor’s eyebrows furrowed slightly.

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_What the hell does “space-space” even mean? Ugh._

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“I… ok. Look. Lately, you’ve…you’ve been amazing helping me settle in St. Petersburg and I appreciate how you’re looking after me. But it was always just… me, myself, and I. Well Phichit and Celestino were there, but I didn’t live with them…” Yuuri went off on an awkward tangent, letting the words hang in the air.

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Viktor seemed to be calculating what Yuuri said. He hadn’t pulled his hands away. That gave Yuuri hope. After what seemed like a lifetime, Viktor cleared his throat.

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“So you don’t want me around?” His face held the same smile saved for press conferences. People who didn’t know him personally ate up this charming smile, but Yuuri could see past the mask. 

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“No no! That’s not it at all! Viktor, I lov-” 

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Yuuri gasped, realizing his mistake.

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_I’m such a screw up. There’s no way he didn’t catch that. Don’t look at him. Don’t look. Don’t look._

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He didn’t know how long he had been staring at the carpet. But if anyone were to ask him where Viktor spilt red wine the first night they spent together in his apartment, Yuuri could respond with exact coordinates. Waiting for something, anything to happen while your heart was on full display could make the most patient person irritable.

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“Yuuri”

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It always did something to Yuuri when Viktor said his name. Something about the inflection in his accent. But it was different this time. He could hear the love laced in his tone. He could see it in the face of the man before him. 

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“Yuuri. Baby, please look at me.”

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Yuuri refused to meet his eyes. Afraid of what he might find. Looking at the red wine stain always brought a small smile to his face. But he was pulled back into the present when he felt his face lifted to meet Viktor’s eyes.

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“Yuuri, please talk to me. I-I can’t read your mind, baby. No matter how badly I wanna know how many times you think about me a day,” Viktor cracked a smile. A real smile, made only for Yuuri to see. More intimate than anything they were about to do before Yuuri ran away. 

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_Not a mind reader? Maybe Viktor isn’t as perfect as I thought he was._

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But it didn’t matter. This was the real Viktor. Not the ones plastered on his walls encouraging him to never give up nor the one he saw from afar on the podium, a smile as shiny as the gold medal around his neck, but lackluster to Yuuri. 

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His hands squeezed Yuuri’s in reassurance, thumb lightly grazing against his knuckle. This little movement was enough to slow down Yuuri’s frantic heartbeat. He wondered if he ever gave Viktor that same feeling.

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“I’m sorry Viktor, about not being ready and leading you on-” 

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Viktor interrupted, “No, Yuuri. Don’t ever apologize for not wanting to have sex until you’re ready.”

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Yuuri was grateful Viktor wasn’t frustrated with his lack of experience. He took a deep breath.

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“I love spending time with you, Viktor. You’re just… you’re really amazing. And I-I guess I sometimes find it hard to believe…you actually like me.” Yuuri mumbled, wanting his heart to return to the safety of the walls he’s built.

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_Oh god… why is he just staring at me? Please don’t tell me I have something on my face._

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Yuuri rubbed at his face self-consciously.

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“Yuuri…” Viktor caressed his cheek as if afraid of breaking him, “You have no idea how beautiful you are.” Viktor’s eyes traveled all over his face, “But I will gladly remind you until you start to believe it.” His eyes landed on Yuuri’s lips. When he didn’t move, Yuuri shifted forward, needing a connection to the person he loves.

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_I love him._

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“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki”

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Yuuri shook his head in disbelief.

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_Nope. Definitely a mind reader._

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* * *

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“Honey, I’m hooommmeee!” 

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Yuuri could hear Viktor’s gym bag thrown carelessly on the floor which he’d trip over later. Makkachin’s barks vibrated throughout the apartment as he ran around excited for his treats. Yuuri felt two arms wrap around him, lips greeting his cheek. 

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“Hi.” 

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Yuuri shivered at the breath against his ear. 

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“How was practice?” He turned to wrap his arms around his neck, carding his fingers through the silver strands. Viktor groaned at the question.

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“I don’t really wanna talk about Yakov yelling at me when I’m in the comfort of my own home. Thank you very much.” Viktor leaned in to kiss Yuuri once, but they could never get enough of each other. Once turned into twice and by the third time, Yuuri reluctantly pulled away to check on the Miso soup. 

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“Viktor stop that- I-I’m trying to cook us dinner. Viktor-” By now, Yuuri couldn’t contain his giggles, squirming from Viktor’s peppered kisses his neck. 

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Viktor finally pulled away.

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“Fine, but only because I love your cooking.” 

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Yuuri was able to breathe normally once Viktor un-wrapped his arms, but squeaked when he felt a sharp pinch to his butt.

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“Viktor!” Yuuri whipped around to playfully glare at him. But Viktor was already running into the living room yelling.

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“YUURI KATSUKI HAS THE CUTEST ASS EVER!”

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* * *

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“Baby, what do you wanna watch? That new Disney movie is out. You know the one with that catchy song we hear on the radio every day.” Viktor extended his arm in invitation so Yuuri could snuggle against him. Makkachin walked in circles a few times before claiming his spot at the foot of the couch as always.

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“Viktor, that’s every Disney movie.” Yuuri wiggled to get himself comfortable. His hand sliding up and down Viktor’s abdominem before intertwining his fingers with Viktor’s.

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“No it’s the one that- how does it go?” Viktor snapped his fingers and began humming. Yuuri shook his head as he watched his boyfriend try to remember the tune. When “How Far I’ll Go” began playing, Viktor scrambled to turn the volume up. His off key singing and only knowing half the words threw off the inspiring dynamic of the song, but it cracked Yuuri up anyway. 

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_Who knew my boyfriend was such a sucker for Disney theme songs?_

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“Yuuri! Don’t leave me hanging! Sing with me!”

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Yuuri shook his head, laughing at the absurd request. If both of them started singing, they’d make the entire apartment floor mad. 

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Then again.

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_Who knew I was such a sucker for my boyfriend’s puppy dog eyes?_

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* * *

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The intimacy of cuddling with Viktor surpassed any of their make out sessions. They shared anything and everything with each other. Viktor told him how each gold medal he won made him feel a little more empty inside, yearning for something more until he met Yuuri. After that, inspiration was never hard to come by. It shocked Yuuri when Viktor told him he realized he was in love with Yuuri when he met him at the banquet a year and a half ago. Yuuri still believed that was one of his darkest moments even though Viktor always reassured him that he was absolutely adorable. He even offered to buy a pole for Yuuri to practice with, but Yuuri reminded him there was not enough space and the landlord would have a heart attack worse than the time Viktor set off the fire alarm to the entire apartment from boiling water. 

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Cuddling for them was an alternative for sex. They shared the deepest part of themselves. Each time, Viktor showed a part of himself that made him more human and Yuuri was slowly falling more and more in love with not only Viktor, the five-time world champion figure skater but Viktor, the man who sang along to Frozen and forgot to turn off the stove. 

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But Yuuri not only wanted to feel emotionally connected with Viktor, he wanted to feel physically connected with him too. 

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“Viktor?” He whispered.

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“Yes, my love?” Viktor gazed back at him.

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“I’m ready.”

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**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this dribble drabble! lol I want to write some more little one shots like this. Gotta get my fill of Yuri on Ice somehow during the season hiatus x)


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